How to See Beyond People's Negative Patterns

By Follow Your Own Rhythm


Have you ever heard people (or yourself) say "people suck” or “I hate people” or “I am so annoyed by people” after a frustrating encounter or experience with another person?

If you are out there in the regular, modern, busy world, then I am certain that you have.  I hear this all of the time, and yes, I sometimes catch myself saying it too. 

When we get annoyed with people because let’s say they don’t give us the benefit of the doubt, they blame us for something we didn’t do, they do something annoying, something mean or hurtful, something we don’t agree with, or something highly unconscious and ignorant, we tend to react by overgeneralizing that “all people suck.” 

But do people really suck?

And do ALL people suck just because one person did something stupid?

And do we really hate people?

And is there a better solution to making ourselves feel better than by generalizing that “people suck?”

I think there is. 

First of all, the reason that we get so frustrated by people in these situations is because they are not meeting our expectations or because they are misperceiving us. 

We want people to see us as we truly are, or as we wish to be, and when they don’t, and they falsely judge us, we get annoyed.

Related article: "How to Let Go of Your Fear of Being Judged"

We also want people to meet our standards and expectations because we want life to go seamlessly and according to our plans, and when it doesn’t, and when people do something that goes against our agenda, we get angry. 

Knowing this alone will make it easier to not jump to the immediate conclusion that “people suck,” and rather, it will give you the opportunity to see how YOU are incapable of adjusting to the circumstances happening around you.

People will never do or be the way that you want, and the more you expect them to, the more resistance life will give you.

The second thing that is crucial to point out is that it’s not actually people that we “hate,” it’s how they have been conditioned to be that we hate.  We hate their conditionings.  And it’s also important to note that we don’t hate these tendencies, we just strongly dislike them.


Sign up now and get access to my library of free resources full of personal growth and self-reflective worksheets, guides, quizzes, and questionnaires and receive weekly guidance along the way!

What do I mean by people's conditionings? 

People’s conditionings refer to the patterns of thinking and behavior that they have absorbed throughout their lives that are now a part of “who they are.”  They are a set of beliefs that are so engrained in someone’s mind and way of being, that one would believe that they ARE their conditionings, which would make it even harder to separate their identity from them.  

Related article: "15 ThingsThat Do Not Define Who You Are"

These conditionings are based mainly on the external world and its influences on a person.  Of course, everyone reacts differently to external stimuli, so people have all sorts of different ways that they cope with life.

These set of conditioned and learned behaviors are the place from which most people live their lives today. 

They don’t live their lives from a place of truth and authenticity, they live it from a place of habit, programming, and conditioning. 

Related article: "You Have a CHOICE and It Can Change Your Life"

And the worst part is, people BELIEVE that what they think, how they think, how they are, what they do; their programming, IS WHO THEY ARE. 

So my goal is to spread this message so that people can break free of this mental enslavement.

But to realize that WE are not our conditionings, we also have to realize that other people are not their conditionings either. 

The tendency to be arrogant, judgmental, mean, ignorant, and angry are patterns that people have picked up throughout their lives. 

And these patterns may even change and transform as one grows older which goes to show that it is NOT WHO THEY TRULY ARE.  

And it’s unfair to judge a person by the temporary tendencies that they exhibit because in reality, it can change at any moment.  In reality, they unconsciously picked up these habits and they are still unaware that they have them, and they are unaware that they can change them.  So we can’t exactly be mad at someone for not knowing this.

We have to also understand that everyone at their core, is happy and content.   Anyone who is a bully, wasn’t born that way. 

As children, we are happy.  We cry when our basic needs aren’t met, but otherwise we are happy and content.  We don’t have any complaints, we don’t judge, we don’t hate.  We LEARN these patterns from our external world.  And then these patterns get engraved in our brains, and we carry them out in our everyday lives. 

Therefore, anyone who bullies you is just carrying out the only way they know how to be.  They don’t know how else to respond to life than to be arrogant, mean, judgmental, grumpy, and ignorant.

These are the behaviors that they have learned and this is all their current level of consciousness allows.  How can you REALLY be mad at someone when you know all of that?

Related article: "How to Deal with Angry People Effectively"

I know it’s pretty hard to accept this perspective, but the more you do, the more headache and heartache you will save yourself. 

You can actually build compassion for these “bullies” from this perspective because you understand that it is not who they truly are, it is just a conditioning that they are blindly carrying out.  THEY don’t know that, but YOU do, so you can respond to them accordingly. 

You can respond much more compassionately and consciously, and be a lot less reactive and emotionally charged, when you look at people’s behavior in this way.

Now this isn’t to say that these people are in the right for what they do or that it’s okay to continue, it just means that you accept it for what it is, and can assess the situation more clearly, more accurately, and go forward from a place of understanding. 

The solutions and responses you will come up with will hence be a lot more effective than if you were coming from a place of “I am being attacked, I must fight back.”

So the moral of this blog is to understand that we don’t hate people, we hate their conditionings.  And we actually don’t even hate them, we just don’t prefer them. 

Once we can accept that it’s not people’s true selves that are committing these hurtful, unconscious acts, but it comes from a deep disconnection from their authentic selves and stems from ego, then we can forgive more easily, detach ourselves emotionally, and tackle the situation in the most conscious and effective way possible. 

I know this is hard to implement into every situation as we have our negative tendencies too, but it’s a good thing to be aware of and to start to practice as much as you can.  The more you do it, the easier it will become.

Did you think this post was helpful? Share your thoughts in the comments below!



"7 Secrets to Living More Freely"